2021
I had a dream today:
I went back to my hometown to take care of my grandpa before everything happened.
He was still healthy, he only had a cough sometimes.
I asked him to drink 5 cups of water every day to help him recover soon.
I started to think he could escape from death this time,
and felt a bit relieved.
But suddenly I woke up,
and realised everything was in vain.
‘it feels like i’m watching my life happen through a fuzzy television screen. i feel far away from this world. almost foreign in this body. as if every happy memory has been wiped clean from the bowl of my mind. i close my eyes and i can’t remember what happy feels like. my chest collapses into my stomach knowing that i have to get up in the morning and pretend i’m not fading away all over again. i want to reach out and touch things. i want to feel them touch me back. i want to live. i want the vitality of my life back.’
—— rupi kaur <home body>
Sometimes,
things are not like what you thought:
‘What has passed is the past, life is completely new’.
It may have already corroded your body, your soul,
become the trauma, like a tumour.
Then it comes out without any precaution, into your nightmare,
and let you experience the pain,
again and again and again.
有時，
事情並不會像你想象中那樣:
「過去的就過去了，一切重新開始」。
它們或許早已變成腫瘤，留下創傷，
侵蝕了軀體，腐蝕了靈魂。
然後在你毫無防備的時候，
進入夢中，成為夢魘。
不斷，不斷，不斷地，
對你百般折磨。